Rabbi's Sermons

Shabbat Shalom,

This week, my friend Rabbi Tamara Schifrin in Jerusalem gave a sermon on the weekly Torah portion, and I asked her permission to share some of her ideas that led to a most beautiful sermon with some additions of mine. She writes:

There is a saying: “Never feel useless; you can always be used as a bad example”. And if there is something you can learn from this weekly Torah portion Vayishlah, is how NOT to behave. How not to raise children, how not to be a brother and that you cannot change overnight, even if the night is a night of struggle with an anonymous and mysterious angel.

You may remember Yaacov received his father's blessing Isaac by fraud, and fled to Haran. After several years Yaacov returned to Canaan, fearing the meeting with Esau, his brother. He sent gifts to Esau to deliberately appease him, put all his property and his family in the other side of the river and then as it is written in the Torah: ²⁴ So Yaacov was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Yaacov’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak". But Yaacov replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me". ²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Yaacov,” he answered. ²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Yaacov, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome".

How negative the name of Yaacov can be, is understood from the prophet Jeremiah (9,3): “Beware of your friends; do not trust anyone in your clan. For every one of them is a deceiver (AKOV YAACOV), and every friend a slanderer”. Rashi explains regarding the new name: “No longer Yaacov..". – “You can no longer say that the blessings come to you in deceive but straightforward and with a visible face". Yaacov can now seemingly leave the deceit and start a new and honest way, a way of rightfulness with a “visible face”. But we see that his meeting with Esau and the later actions of his children continue to be deceiving. When Esau invites him to join him he did not openly refuse, rather began giving excuses:

¹³ “My lord knows that the children are tender and that I must care for the ewes and cows that are nursing their young. If they are driven hard just one day, all the animals will die. ¹⁴ So let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me and the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir”.

Midrash Genesis Rabbah asks regarding the words "until I come to my lord in Seir"? Abbahu said: We searched the whole Bible and never found that Yaacov went to Mount Seir ever (!)”, Is perhaps Yaacov cheating again? Just a few hours ago Yaacov fought a mysterious angel, or perhaps himself, and received a new and a straight name (do not read Israel but YASHAR-EL Straight with God), and now he already returned to deceive? Do not we ever change? Not even, as a result of one bad night?

On the beginning of my speech I mentioned that we also learn how not to be brothers. How not to be present during most of the adult life with our brethren, like Yaacov and Esau. Do you know when do the brothers meet again that after their “emotive” meeting? Just once… yes, to bury their father Isaac. As it is written: “²⁸ Isaac lived a hundred and eighty years. ²⁹ Then he breathed his last and died and was gathered to his people, old and full of years. And his sons Esau and Yaacov buried him".

If we mentioned Isaac, the weekly portion teaches us also how a son should not behave. Soon after the meeting with Esau Yaacov goes to: 1) Sukkot , 2) then Nablus, 3) Bet-El and at last to the end of chapter 35 he finished all his important businesses and visited his father as it is written: “²⁷ Yaacov came home to his father Isaac in Mamre, near Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron), where Abraham and Isaac had stayed”. According to one Midrash from Genesis Rabbah at least two years passed until Yaacov visited his father, quite a long time! Especially if we recall that already more than twenty years before, Isaac was very old and about to die. Wouldn’t you just run to see your Dad? After this negative example of Yaacov to his children about "honoring your fathers" no wonder that Yosef did not inform his father that he lived so many years in Egypt. Not even a WhatsApp message was sent!

So, what have we learned so far: 1) you cannot change overnight, 2) how not to be a brother and 3) how not to be a son, but the most important lesson is how not to be a father. In chapter 33 we read: “Yaacov looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants. ² He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Yosef in the rear”.

Isn’t it sad? After the suffering as a resulting of Abraham preferring Isaac over Ishmael, Isaac preferring Esau, but Rebekah preferring Isaac, after all that, Yaacov again repeats the same mistake! First it is written that, “In great fear and distress Yaacov divided the people who were with him into two groups”. Literally: He divided them equally. But here you cannot say so, because the children of Rachel and Leah are seven since Benjamin was not born yet, and four are the children of the slaves. Hence those were not two halves. If so why was it said VAYACHATZ (divided in two)? You may say, he divided his wives: Rachel and Leah are two families and two are her slaves, it is still difficult to accept for it is stated that he divided the children, and it is not said that he divided the women.

From here we learn that, VAYACHATZ comes from the word CHETZ arrow, an arrow given to the hearts of children. Some say he gave a separation between them. Yaacov shot ten arrows that day to each of his sons. The children of the slaves (Zilpah and Bilha) said: “Earlier we knew that our father loves Rachel and Leah more than our mothers, but we kept hope in our hearts that our father loves all his sons equally. Now we knew our father would rather prefer the children of Rachel and Leah than us and loves them more”.

Then the children of Leah said: “We knew that our father loves Rachel more than our mother, but we kept hope in our hearts that our father loves all his sons equally. Now we knew that our father prefers Yosef more than us”.

Yaacov's blessing to his son Yosef reads in the Torah: "With bitterness archers attacked him; they shot at him with hostility" (Genesis 49:23), those are the arrows that Yaacov shot to his sons; later they took them out their hearts and shot them to Yosef...

Perhaps Yaacov's failures are many, but we must remember a young man 20 years ago that fled to Haran from Canaan fearful but also motivated, that dreamed of a ladder with angels ascending and descending on it. Yaacov is trying all his life to rise, many times he fell, and those falls come to warn us against fraud, deceit, evasion, swindling and encourage us to be people of truth, honesty and responsibility. It is true we do not change overnight, but that does not mean you cannot change at all. What matters is not consistent, but perseverance. This message is not only for parenting tips but for life in general, we make ourselves decisions and sometimes fall, but the real test is our ability to get up again and continue. Look at Yaacov, after crossing the children, he did not abandon them: "He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother".

The idea of the preferred or chosen child, starts in Genesis when God prefers Abel’s sacrifice over Cain’s, and comes up to the exchanging hands of Yaacov while blessing Ephraim and Manasseh. These preferences come in Exodus preceding the election of Israel at Mount Sinai. We bless God before the Torah for he has chosen us from all the nations and gave us his Torah. God's election of Israel over the other nations, teaches us the necessity and moral obligation we have to demonstrate honesty, truth and sensitivity to peoples that have not been chosen. Only thus will be justified being the chosen people: Understanding the great responsibility that the people of Israel have: Me, you, all of us! Towards all human beings... towards all the inhabitants of the world.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi David Laor

December 13^th, 2024